First of all, I’d like to take a moment to stop down and say happy birthday to my insanely, ridiculously gorgeous wife. She’s officially a cougar as of today. Aside from that, yes, we’ve already had her birthday party. We had a combined party yesterday and killed one bird with three stones when we celebrated Stout’s, my sister Lisa’s and Two-Step’s all at once. That’s how we do.

So an update on the iPhone front: yes, it’s really over this time. I finally got fed up with the Kin. It was too much like a toy, or a child’s phone. I mean, seriously, no calendar? Even my old junk ass flip-phone had a shitty calendar on it. I tried, guys. I really did. I tried so hard to like this phone. I lied to people. I lied to my wife. “Ah, no, honey, I love this phone! Come on now! Look at how cool it is!” But it was all just lies. I always hated it. I like the way it looks and the way it puts your Facebook and your Twitter all right there on the home screen. I like – well, I guess those are about the only two things. I couldn’t take it anymore.

So I had to get rid of it. I was still, of course, carrying my iPhone around with me for the music, because the Kin had not enough space for music and no SD card slot , and I needed a calendar app, and my maps. I’m just so tired of carrying two devices. That’s why I got rid of the iPod touch and my phone way back when and got me the damn iPhone to begin with! So I took little Kin back to the toy store Friday and got me a big boy phone. I got the Android-based Motorola Devour. Oh yes, my friends, the phone gods have spoken, and I shall now officially be sacrificing my iPhone upon the Best Buy Trade-in Altar.

The Devour has this cool little feature that Kin didn’t. It’s called a CALENDAR bitch, you ever heard of it? WTF kind of phone are you that thinks you can be called a smart phone without having a CALENDAR? Oh, it also has this other bad ass little option called an SD card slot, so I can always upgrade and get bigger cards if I start running out of music storage space. And it came with an 8-gig card in it. Eat it, Kin.

Navigation, GPS, wifi, bluetooth, 3G, Google Sky, apps from the Market, GStrings guitar tuner, oh man the list just keeps going on and on. This phone has it all. It even has – well, let’s just say that I’m finally erasing my iPhone and putting it back in the box. For real this time, guys. I loved you well, Apple iPhone 16GB White, but our time has finally come to say goodbye. I never cheated on you. We just had a trial separation for a while (well, technically I was with another phone during our separation, but hey) but it just didn’t work. I’m sorry, Steve Jobs, I hope this doesn’t lower your stock. But I’m finally happy now. I finally met the phone of my dreams. And our honeymoon starts today.