We close Friday. We start moving Saturday. That is, of course, after the former owners of the house actually move out. They start moving on Saturday, so as per our contract, they will be leasing the house from me for one day. Would it not make sense to save everybody the time and money, and just move the hell out on the day of closing? I despise the thought of moving boxes in while they are moving boxes out. Therefore I will be waiting until they finish before I move my boxes in. Eff all that. My luck, they would be grabbing the boxes I just brought in and moving them out. So I’ll wait. The pain in the major ass is that that leaves me with only two full days to move everything from my apartment in Carrollton to my house in Flower Mound. Two days may seem like a long time to you, but I will present the following arguments in contradiction:

• I have a lot of shit.
• The second day of my two days to move is a Monday. No one else can or will get off that day to help. I will be moving by myself.
• I have a lot of shit.
• I still haven’t packed.
• I have a lot of shit.

And where is my dog gonna be during all this? He will be riding along with me, so long as he doesn’t bail the hell out the window. I want him to get used to the new place, and see our stuff appearing in it. That way he will know it’s our stuff, so he will feel more comfortable chewing on it while we are at work. Hooosty hasn’t chewed on anything in some time now, or at least not anything of real importance. But God forbid he runs out of bones or rawhide chews. I just wish I could get him to chew on the cat. Meh.

I had the floor tiled in the upstairs bathroom yesterday. It looks phat as hell. So this morning I got up bright and early to go set my toilet and caulk and whatnot. Have you ever had to re-set a toilet? That wax sticks to your hands like the friggin’ plague. It wasn’t so bad though. I got it done. You should see the caulk job I did around that bitch. I would dare say my caulking rivals the pros. But all them little pieces of it end up all over the floor from wiping away the excess. It rolls up into little booger like balls and you can’t really just wipe it up.

So my theory is this: I’m going to invent a sort of vacuum that will suck those little caulk balls up. A regular vacuum is too cumbersome. You need a special lightweight easy-to-use one. The tile layers would love that! I’m going to call it the Caulk Balls Sucker. How’s that sound? Anyone want to take this to market with me? Billion dollar idea right there, baby.