There are only two or three things in this world that piss me off more than when I find piss on the toilet seat. And I can’t really think of them right now.

You see, the whole qualm I have with it – besides it just being low class and disgusting, not to mention lazy – is that when you work in a corporate office such as we have here, you should no longer be a child. Obviously we have children working here, because no one has taught them how to raise a damn toilet seat before they micturate. And nothing pisses me off (short those couple of things I can’t think of right now) more than going in there to take care of business and having to wipe someone else’s piss off the seat. You don’t piss on the seat at home, asshole, so why do you do it where you work? Because you know Consuelo will be coming in to clean it up, huh? Children. Even my dog has better sense than that (inset picture).

Back when I was in the Air Force and had a suite mate, I had my girlfriend over for the night one time. She woke up and went to take her morning tinkle. Well she got done and came back into the room. I was about to go in there and take my morning tinkle when I heard the other door open. Enters my pissmate. So he takes his morning hangover tinkle and goes back into his room. I go in finally, and there’s piss on the seat. So I bang on his door and tell him to clean the shit up. “It was there when I went in there,” he says. Yeah, asshole, cause Tina stands up to piss. You’re right.

Well, I paid him back, though he will never know it. Tina was frisky, so we played ball and I left a little surprise for him in his shampoo. Yeah you could call it Head and Shoulders all right.

See, some will call that passive-aggressive behavior. Though obviously they don’t know the true definition of the term. Go look it up if you’re unsure. That ain’t it. What I call it is Covert Ejaculatory Vengeance. Yeah, CEV is a very good way to get back at someone if you want everyone but that person to know about it. Then you can giggle and tell all his friends that the spot in the back of his hair that looks all crusty and white is actually your plan in action. Dude, you should have used Pert.