My wife and I (and most of my close personal friends) are avid campers, as most of you who aren’t my close personal friends probably know. And those who are close but are not personal might know as well. But definitely not those of you who are personal but not close. Wait. Let me go through that again. Those of – you know what? Forget it. Let’s move on.

But yeah, anyway, as I was saying, we are pretty serious when it comes to camping. We like to be prepared. Now I say we, actually here I probably mean “me” or “I”. I like to be prepared. And of course, my wife and buddies tag along. I know they like to be prepared too, but not to the extent where people would laugh at them. Like they laugh at me. Yes, they mock me for having a shower box full of shower supplies, toothpaste, medicines, soap, Q-tips®, tampons, razors and everything else you could ever need in the medicine and bathroom department. This also includes the first-aid kit. Bandages, snake bite kit, water purifiers, needle and thread for Rambo-style arm sewings, fingernail clippers, triple antibiotic ointment, anti-diarrheal pills and, well, you get the idea. They laugh at me that I carry a convenient box with all this stuff in it, neatly organized, but then who’s laughing when they get bit by a snake? Or need good clean shave? Or have to sew up a wound on their arm? Huh? Who’s number one now, bitches?

Well, it hasn’t happened yet, but that is just one small example of how I like to overprepare for trips. If there’s anything we might possibly need, I not only bring it, but I bring a support system for it, and everything related to it in any remote way. Like since I bring a tent (actually I pack three to four tents – just in case) I like to have a broom in the trailer. So when we pack up I can sweep out the tent. Well what if the handle falls off the broom? That means extra broom handles and a broom repair kit. Which means another little box to keep the kit in. Which means shelves in the trailer to hold all the support kits. You see where this is going? Now that is ridiculous, I don’t actually carry a broom support kit. But it’s just an example of how well I am prepared. But let’s say you just have a weekend to go camping, and it’s just you and the wife. I’ll compose a quick list here of the must-haves just to make sure you can make it out of there alive, at the bare minimum.

5 – The Kitchen Box. This is a big plastic footlocker-type box; you can usually find them at Tram Law for about twenty bucks or so. Nothing fancy, just a big spacious plastic box that closes and can lock if you want. Pack this one full of all the utensils, plastic ware, pots, pans, coffee percolators, grill tools, plates, napkins and paper towels that you will need to support cooking and eating. This is one of the most important items you can take camping. Keep in mind though, this list isn’t in any kind of real order.

4 – The Pantry Box. Again, another one of the same footlocker boxes like the Kitchen Box, but preferrably a different color so you can differentiate them easily enough. If the Kitchen Box is red, maybe you want this one to be blue. Check your local retailer for available colors. In the pantry box, you keep all your dry foods. Your breads, buns, chips, crackers, candy, granola bars, snacks, cookies, coffee, tea, MREs and Gator Ade mix. This is just the easiest way to carry all that dry food that usually gets forgotten about until you’re about to leave, whereupon it all gets stuffed in plastic bags in the backseat of your car. This is unacceptable. Plus, too, if you get out there and leave all this stuff out on the table, it is bound to get eaten by ants, bears, coons or all three! Snap the box shut around it and it’s safe from rain and animals!

3 – The Closet Box. Okay, so this one is another one of those footlocker boxes. Hopefully your local retailer carries three different colors of this model because I’m serious, peeps – this is something you really need. It really is the easiest way to gather, carry, organize and transport all that little crap you just have to take camping. Now the Closet Box, unlike the Pantry Box, but very much like the Kitchen Box, is full of items that you just leave in the box perennially. Pack a bunch of old clothes that you don’t really wear that much anymore, but that are still servicable in this box. Bunch of socks, jeans, sweatshirts, t-shirts and underwear. When you get done with your trip, just wash it all, put it all back in the box, and pack the box away. This way you never have to worry about packing clothes, or a suitcase.

2 – The Tackle Box. Oh now this is an important one! The Tackle Box is not for fishing tackle though. Nay! It is for all your stuff that you’ll need for everything. Your knives, your fishing string, your clothesline (now I fight with myself about this one – it could also go in the Kitchen Box), your tent stakes, your mallet, shovel tool, saw, multi-tool, batteries, flashlights, glow sticks, Off!, matches, firestarters and anything else you might need as a tool. I also carry a Tool Box with wrenches, pliers and screwdrivers in it, but that is strictly optional.

1 – Folding Chairs. You know those cool chairs that come in bags, in all different colors? Well you can find them at Tegrat or Tram Law for like nine bucks a piece. I bought like ten of them just to stock up. See, the over-preparer in me likes to have a bunch of extra just in case a friend or two decide to “stop by” the campsite and hang out for a few beers. So in my Camping Trailer, I keep about ten of these bad boys. All shapes and sizes, some with footrest, some with cupholder armrests, some with awnings over them. These are great, handy, and very important for comfort during your camp.

So there you have it. The top five list. Now this is the must-haves, but obviously it’s not an exclusive list. You’re gonna need tents, coolers, Beer, cold food, ice, cold drinks, Beer, firewood (most sites won’t allow you to gather it), camping grill, propane, shower bag, trash bags (which go in the Kitchen Box) and maybe a little Beer to get you through. But these are different for every camper. As long as you have some or all of these, plus my top-five, you’ll be assured a good, comfortable camping trip. Just make sure you pack up a little early on Sunday, because it will take most of the evening to put all this shit away when you get home.