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Byron Nelson Breeds Breastviewing

It’s my sister’s birthday today. She turned thirty this morning around soap opera time. Thirty. You know how old that makes me? Damn. Because if she’s getting older, that means I’m getting older. It’s slightly depressing that half my life ago she snuck me into my first Ten Hands concert. I was fifteen then. A whole lifetime has passed since then. And that’s just plain crazy.

We’ve got Stella the Star Seeking Student trapped in ice this week, which is why she has been idle. Not to fear though. She said something really disturbing occurred to her last night, and she will be writing about it. I’m excited about it, as it’s a pretty good story.

Here’s the announcement I was going to make at the beginning of the week. I started a new job Monday, at a startup company in Plano. This company has been in business since 1998, but recently decided to pursue network and server support. I was hired on as a Senior Network Engineer – the first engineer hired, actually – and will be mostly working from my home office via broadband Internet, which they will provide. Neat huh?

I’m now taking on the feat of redesigning their network infrastructure as well as rebuilding their web site – both of which I feel pretty comfortable with. The craziest part of all this is that my boss – we’ll call her Yvonne – doesn’t even know where she got my number and name. She just called me out of the blue two Saturdays ago and asked me if I was interested in coming to work for them. The next day (yes, Sunday) I met with the President and the Vice President for an interview. I started Monday.

Last week I was still working for Dr. Pepper as a Special Events Coordinator, and was working the Byron Nelson all week. That, my friends, was some crazy shit. I’ve never seen so many women in one place at one time. And that’s not necessarily a good thing. I thought guys would be going there to shop. I thought it’d be a meat market. Hell no. There were five or six or eleven women to every man out there, and they were all single, and they were all shopping. So you single men who want to find a woman… Go to the Byron Nelson next year. That’s where all the bitches is at.

I was driving the cart around “making sure all the fountains had Dr. Pepper in them” when I ran into these two golf douches. They asked if they could have a ride back to the hotel. I was like, meh. But this one dude says, “I’ll get my girlfriend to show you her tits.” Seriously. I’m not even kidding here, friends. So I was like, “What are we waiting for?” Well it was a letdown because they were big gigantic fake ass cans that had no bounce to them at all. He asked if I wanted to touch them and I was like, “Meh, no thanks. Any B-Cuppers at this here party?”

But at least he kept his word. It was a pretty cool experience though, I must say. I learned a lot during the week at the Byron Nelson. Most college guys don’t really like golf, they just like the women. I can high five that. And Dr. Pepper is a great place to work if you want to see live breasts.