People are like birds.

I’ve noticed over the last however-long-I’ve-been-driving-now that birds are evolving to be less afraid of cars on the road. Slowly but surely, they and their children grow more and more daring and brave about sitting there in that damn puddle drinking shitwater – and not moving when I’m about to run over them. Sometimes they wait so long that I don’t see them fly away, and when I look back, there’s nothing there. So they’re obviously still getting away, but they just wait until the absolute last second to move now. What the hell is up with that? I know I’m going to hit one one of these times, and I’m not going to feel the least bit bad about it. You want to take your chances and play chicken with me, then don’t bitch when I squash you with my tire.

Similarly, I’ve noticed humans evolving the same way. Nothing is more annoying, in fact, than having to slow way the hell down to wait while some asshole struts across the street like he’s on a Sunday stroll, staring right at me to see if I’m going to react. These people know they’re holding up traffic, and they know they’re being arrogant selfish pricks, but they do it anyway. And that look they give you while they’re walking is like ‘yeah, what are you gonna do about it?’

If there’s a puddle I make sure and splash the shit out of them after these little events, and I’m always sure to slow down and roll down that passenger window and tell them what I really think of them. When they turn around like they’re gonna bring it, I flip them the bird and cruise away just as slowly as they walked across the street. Nothing gets them moving faster than that thought that they have a chance to catch me. But I’m moving along at a nice ten mph and there’s no way. It feels so good to see that anger on their faces as they run with everything they have trying to catch me to pound my ass. But they never do, and as they fall behind, I cruise away waving. Or even better – waving the bird again.

But why? Why have people grown to be less afraid of traffic? Or to have such little respect for those of us in motor vehicles? It’s just like those kids anywhere from 11 to 15 or 16 now, who – when you’re driving by minding your own – think it’s necessary to show you how tough they are. And how much attitude they have. what the hell? You don’t think I could get out and whip your ass you little punk? I’d be more than happy to bend your bicycle around your skinny little ass!

So in closing, I’m left to wonder why humans are becoming like the birds? Less and less respectful of the traffic, and more and more intent on showing us how tough they are. And it’s obviously not everyone. Just those lowly idiots who don’t drive.

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