Rants & Ravings From an Aspiring Daydreamer

Gracie, the Iranian Sandalhound

I haven’t had a puppy in so long I almost don’t remember what their breath smells like. But now again, I’m constantly reminded. Gracie was thrown in a dumpster by someone who didn’t want Gracie, and when my uncle went to take the trash out he saw Gracie in said dumpster, and thus now Gracie belongs to me. How anyone can throw a dog away is beyond me entirely, but I’ve tried to look at this from two sides.

The one side is the obvious: someone was a heartless asshole who hates animals and has no love for anything other than himself. He threw a little bitty Iranian Sandalhound puppy into a garbage dump to be killed by trash and dumped in a foul-smelling pit. Anyone who could do this should be shot and thrown into a garbage dump to be killed by trash and dumped in a foul-smelling pit.

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Byron Nelson Breeds Breastviewing

It’s my sister’s birthday today. She turned thirty this morning around soap opera time. Thirty. You know how old that makes me? Damn. Because if she’s getting older, that means I’m getting older. It’s slightly depressing that half my life ago she snuck me into my first Ten Hands concert. I was fifteen then. A whole lifetime has passed since then. And that’s just plain crazy.

We’ve got Stella the Star Seeking Student trapped in ice this week, which is why she has been idle. Not to fear though. She said something really disturbing occurred to her last night, and she will be writing about it. I’m excited about it, as it’s a pretty good story.

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Midnight’s Park is Written

I’m done.

I finished late last night (early this morning). Holy cow, that was a task. I can’t believe it took me that long. All that procrastinating just made me want to keep putting it off. Well, I’m going to try and do better with my next book. Maybe I’ll shoot for three months, so it’ll for sure be ready by winter of 2005.

Standard procedure dictates that I now read over it and make changes to any glaring critical grammatical errors. Strunk and White say to omit needless words, which I do during this phase, and Stephen King says I should end up with 90% of what I have now. Cut the fat. That would be some eighteen pages worth of material. It hurts to cut that much, but it’s good advice. I’ve never seen that much to cut personally – maybe because everything I write is worth keeping, or maybe because I think everything I write is worth keeping. We shall see what happens.

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Midnight’s Park Nears Completion

I’m perilously close to finishing. Aren’t you excited? You should be. I’ll be making the announcement either tonight or tomorrow, which will no doubt trigger a massive celebration. I’ve only about ten or fifteen more pages to write to get the story told. Of course, that’s what I said thirty pages ago. I’ve now written about 170 pages, and have finally covered everything I needed to cover. So it looks for real this time.

Tying up loose ends is possibly the hardest part of writing a book, but also the most enjoyable. You have to read and reread your work so many times to make sure that A) you’re familiar with your work, and B) you cover all your bases. For example, if you say someone did something, and then later in your book you say they didn’t, you’re obviously not familiar with your work. You haven’t read through it enough to check for stuff like that. Like if someone is a smoker, then quits, but later on in the book you say “he crushed out his cigarette with the heel of his black boot.” Well? Is he smoking again, or did you screw up?

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Almost done.

I recently got in touch with an old friend of mine, who is a published author. And since I’ve been actively seeking publication for my first book, she has become a resource. A wealth of information. She’s been writing for over 25 years, and has published some 60 plus books under several different names. So she knows a little about the business. It’s nice to have someone I can ping when I have questions.

If I would get off my lazy butt and hit my book again, I’d be done with it. This is my second book I’m talking about now. I have probably 20 more pages to write to get the story told, but I’ve been too tired and lazy to get in here and work on it. I have these lulls, you know?

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Blessed be She With the Boobs

Damn those are pretty.Speaking of women who like to show off their cleavage… Heather Graham sure has been doing a lot of that lately.

I know everyone appreciates a little cleavage in his java, but I think something’s up when a woman just all of a sudden starts wearing revealing clothing. Now I’m not saying she never has, but I don’t remember a trend as such. Recently, every event she’s attended, she’s graced us with a lot of between-the-boobs skin. It’s fine with me. But we haven’t been able to get her to take her top off since Boogie Nights. Is she trying to tell us something? Well, we’re ready to listen, Roller Girl!

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SpaceBrew Review: The Trap

I started reading The Trap by Tabitha King the other night, and immediately had to invoke my Rules of Fairness, Article 15; Column 2; Section 9A, which states that:

When reading a book I must give it a fair chance of being a potential Full Finish. Compliance with this article says the reader shall finish no less than fifty (50) pages of any book to be read unless the eyes combust or turn to acid in the sockets, whereby the reader has the option to either A) rent the book on audio cassette or CD and listen to the rest of it, B) have someone read it to the him, or C) terminate reading immediately and return said book to either the shelf or the dust bin.

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Celebrity Run-In: Michael Crichton

My sister called me this morning and told me Michael Crichton was going to be signing books at the Wal-Mart in Euless, and she'd heard about it on the local radio station. So we blazed out there after work and got in line. I bought myself a book as well as one for my sister, since she told me about it. He's every bit as cool as I thought he'd be.     At first, while shaking his hand, I asked him if I could come around back and get a picture taken with him. His security guard said, "No, no, move on please." Then Michael looked up as I was walking away and said, "Did you want a picture with me? That's fine, come on back here, Space." So I went back and got the shot. That was pretty bad ass of him. You know he probably wouldn't just…

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How Not to Grill Steaks

Sometimes I wonder how I made it this far. I mean – I like to think of myself as at least a reasonably intelligent guy. Well, I know I’m not stupid. But last night I did something that made me believe otherwise.

Check this out. We had a party. There were like twenty-five people over, and the plan was to cook steaks for everyone. My grill isn’t really all that big. You can fit like six to eight steaks on it at a time. When I found out that many people were coming, I had to run to the store and get another six pack of steaks. I cooked almost twenty steaks last night. For real. I had every single one of my big ass platters (all three) out and was preparing these steaks on them. Marinade. Steak salt. Worcestershire sauce. Liquid Smoke. The works. These steaks kicked serious amounts of ass.

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Women Drivers – An Oxymoron?

I know, I know, you’re all getting sick of hearing about how bad women drivers are. But they keep staying bad. And I had to laugh this morning on my way to work when I saw an overturned SUV in the middle of an intersection.

Now I would never laugh at someone’s misfortune or injury. But I gladly laugh at their stupidity. Because I am of the opinion that 100% of accidents can be avoided with defensive driving. You might not be able to prevent someone REAR-ENDING YOU, but the person behind you COULD HAVE PAID ATTENTION (what a novel idea) and prevented it themselves. So when some pompous SUV driving idiot tries to make a light when it’s yellow – and they’re still a hundred yards out – they end up running through an intersection, phone glued to head, on a red light. They deserve to be plowed into. Teach their ass a lesson.

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